And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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