So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
