i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
