He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Still dying that you shit outside
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
