hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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