I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she smelled like a LAN party
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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