tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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