I wish I could teleport
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
