im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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