i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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