Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
