i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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