I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
