he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
