Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
