I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Rumble strips road head = magical
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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