I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
