there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
