and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
