i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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