I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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