your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
