I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
