Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
