i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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