its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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