She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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