I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
