it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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