Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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