i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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