God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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