i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
