Dual....:-)
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
