Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Randomize
