i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I should be sponsored by Trojan
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
