I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize