she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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