even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
