Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
