He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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