No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
