Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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