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your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Randomize
