you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
