wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just google imaged poop.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
