is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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