what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
