Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
