first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
