I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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