I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
