I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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