You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
