New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
