i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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