I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
