he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
