what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
